Some Mischievous Ways To Get Back At A Collection Agency

Everyone knows what a collection agency is – and does. A few people have even developed an aversion to picking up the phone – especially after one too many verbal onslaughts from a bill collector with a nasty attitude. A person is already aware of the embarrassment a financial bind causes them, with the added daily trials of humiliation and threats delivered by phone.

Wouldn’t it be fun to deliver a little pay back – so the world’s collection agencies get a little taste of the pie they’ve dished out to others over the years? Well, in the interest of keeping the playing field leveled – and to have a laugh – here’s a few ideas to put into play, that might balance the scales a bit if you’re ever stuck in a predicament where you’re phone has become the enemy:

“No means No” – If you pick up the phone one day, and hear a mechanical-sounding voice ask you to stay on the line if you are the intended party, or hang up the phone if you’re not – then you’re most likely in touch with a collection agency. Now, at this point, you can do one of two things. The first being to just hang up the phone – this choice means you’re telling the caller they’ve reached the wrong person. However, this doesn’t prevent them from calling again in the future. This is because debtors who pull this move, often forget they’ve given out their real phone number when they apply for credit. But the debt agencies are not that stupid – and will try again and again to reach you.

The other thing you can do is much more satisfying, as you turn the tables and get to harass them back. For this to work – don’t hang up the phone, just wait for the message to play out. Eventually, a live person will come on the line to grill you about your debt. This is the time to strike. Before your caller even identifies himself, start screaming and carrying on like the world is ending. Repeat over and over, that you are NOT the person they’re looking for, you’re sick of being “spied” on through the phone line – and mention that this experience is making your mind “condition” much worse. Be sure to repeat some variation of this same scene, each time someone from a collections agency calls you. Doing this is harassment to them. Have patience and give it a good month – their calls should start to taper off on their own, very soon.

“Speak in a weird language” – This works even if you do pick up the phone, and suddenly realize the person asking for you is a debt representative. When they ask for you, say something like, “Just a moment and I’ll go get him.” Then say loudly – so they hear you – “It’s for you”. Wait a few moments, then pick it up, pretending to be someone who can’t speak a stitch of the national language. Trudge through anything they say, and make sure to throw in a few semi-coherent one syllable answers to certain questions – so they think you might understand them after all. When they’re starting to feel like they have the upper hand again, suddenly go into “gibberish overdrive”, and act like you’re confused. You will find that the agency may start to decrease their phone attacks after a while.

Be a “clinging” vine – This is a great way to chase collection agencies off! Just pretend to be starved for human contact in any form, and act needy. Right away, explain how you’d really love to pay your debts, however “your recently diagnosed incurable, extra strength dose of leprosy” prevents you from doing anything at all – except for sitting in a darkened room, and feeling lonely as your limbs drop off, one by one. Then, to keep them captive, go off into an hour-long rant about each symptom and detail of your “condition”. Direct the conversation to a personal level, and bore the caller with stories of your early years – including every shattered dream and your many regrets. If they insist on having to go, ask them for their home phone number, so you can call them back when they’re off work – pin them down to a “time” when they’ll be available. After a couple of sessions from you, you probably won’t have to take many collection calls, at least for a a few weeks.

Although not in the “nice” category – it’s fun to imagine how a collection agency would respond to these “paybacks” for their past torture tactics. And you can try this yourself if you’re ever in the unfortunate position, and things get heavy with rude phone calls – or not. But the real intention behind this piece was to cast some laughter on a somber situation – so the reader can see there is always a light at the end of every tunnel – no matter how bad things seem to be at the time.

Looking to find the best deal on collection agency fees, then visit www.burnsteinandburnstein.com to find the best advice on collection agencies for you.